I spent this weekend with a variety of people. Many were friends from growing up and then the other was a dear friend from adulthood. In both situations, I felt comfortable, despite my lack of comfort with myself in general. I had a dear heart to heart with my friend and we decided that 13 years was too long to enable each other. We should support each other instead…it actually came in something inspiring like the f-word in Stonebriar mall, but still. So I started my journey again today. AGAIN, how many times have I tried to lose weight and failed….more than I care to admit. The problem comes in that at the size of most NFL linebackers or bigger, I need to do something. I have trouble walking, have no energy, and have basically just let life happen. I need to change. I desperately want to be a mother and more than that I want to live past 50. I took the first steps today. I went to a ww meeting and weighed in…it was not pretty, but still I need a starting point. Then I sat through the program description again, I needed the retraining. Then off to the grocery store, I stocked up on healthy veggies and fruits. I often purchase these items and they stay in the fridge. I did something different tonight though…I cleaned them…bagged them…and made them accessible. I am going to do this. I know how good it feels to have success and not be as large as I am now. I welcome back clothing that has still got a lot of life left in it…in my closet. I welcome back pain-free walking. I welcome back putting my wedding ring on EVERYDAY, not just the ones that my fingers aren’t too swollen to wear it.

Here are my goals for this week:

Write down everything I eat. Everything.

Make wise choices on what I choose to eat.

Do not beat myself up for temporary derailment, write it down and move on.

At the end of this week, I am looking forward to reporting at least a 2 pound loss. I feel like I will be successful though when I track my food intake for the entire week.

Taking back control of my life. It’s what the leader at ww was telling me tonight, and she is exactly right.