Wooden Spoon Wonders

Okay, after week 1, writing it all down, I lost 7.6 pounds! I am so excited, but don’t want to get ahead of myself. I have the challenge this week of keeping up the momentum. I want to write it all down this week as well, also add at least 1 day of activity. This weekend is my parent’s 30th anniversary party, and between the planning for that and working on testing prep at school, it is going to be busy. I just need to make sure that the healthy options are available and handy. Also I need to make sure that there are easy dinner options this week or fast food will creep in. I am still feeling optimisitic, but with some reservations. I think that it is only normal to feel that way at the beginning of a long journey that has been started many times and abandoned. This time I am working on completing the journey.

I spent this weekend with a variety of people. Many were friends from growing up and then the other was a dear friend from adulthood. In both situations, I felt comfortable, despite my lack of comfort with myself in general. I had a dear heart to heart with my friend and we decided that 13 years was too long to enable each other. We should support each other instead…it actually came in something inspiring like the f-word in Stonebriar mall, but still. So I started my journey again today. AGAIN, how many times have I tried to lose weight and failed….more than I care to admit. The problem comes in that at the size of most NFL linebackers or bigger, I need to do something. I have trouble walking, have no energy, and have basically just let life happen. I need to change. I desperately want to be a mother and more than that I want to live past 50. I took the first steps today. I went to a ww meeting and weighed in…it was not pretty, but still I need a starting point. Then I sat through the program description again, I needed the retraining. Then off to the grocery store, I stocked up on healthy veggies and fruits. I often purchase these items and they stay in the fridge. I did something different tonight though…I cleaned them…bagged them…and made them accessible. I am going to do this. I know how good it feels to have success and not be as large as I am now. I welcome back clothing that has still got a lot of life left in it…in my closet. I welcome back pain-free walking. I welcome back putting my wedding ring on EVERYDAY, not just the ones that my fingers aren’t too swollen to wear it.

Here are my goals for this week:

Write down everything I eat. Everything.

Make wise choices on what I choose to eat.

Do not beat myself up for temporary derailment, write it down and move on.

At the end of this week, I am looking forward to reporting at least a 2 pound loss. I feel like I will be successful though when I track my food intake for the entire week.

Taking back control of my life. It’s what the leader at ww was telling me tonight, and she is exactly right.

I was looking back over my blog, the little of it that I have actually written and was proud of the entries. Although there are few, they are thoughtful and worthy of reading. I was especially touched rereading the one about my grandma. At that time I could not imagine that she would ever be gone, and now it has been almost a year. I still find myself wanting to call and talk to her like I did every morning and evening. I think of something that she would find funny and want to share it. I want to call and talk to her about Dancing with the Stars or Two and a Half men just to get her take on it. I want to share my weekends at the kitchen table with her visiting and grading papers. I just miss her. Not that I ever doubted that I would, but there is still a hole in my person where she belongs. I guess I have grieved accordingly and hold myself together in public for the most part. I can speak of her now without breaking down completely. I try to remember how many completely special and unremarkable moments we spent together. I know how lucky I was to be hers. I will be spending this weekend, the one year anniversary of her passing, celebrating life with my sweet cousins. I am looking forward to their cheerfulness and fun to be a great distraction. However, like me they knew grandma and it will be a good time to reminisce about how wonderful she was.

Ok, so obviously I am not a tween, but I am finding lately that my taste in entertainment is leaning that way. I just recently purchased the Taylor Swift cd Fearless and I love it. I think that she is so wise and beyond her years in her lyrics. I can relate to her in so many ways and understand her lyrics. Then because I have been cooped up in my house since last Wednesday, I have finally watched the Twilight movies. Although I think the brooding eyebrows are a little much, I really enjoyed the stories. I look forward to reading the books as well. I am just waiting for someone to come and ask me for my id and send me back to the mature section of my life. Oh well, for now I am enjoying it and just using the excuse I am doing research for my job…

I am a member of the cooking club of america, mostly because I think it is interesting to find out about the new products before they hit the market. I got an interesting email today about one such product…the banana bunker. I think that the link to the informative website should sum up my amusement with this product…

http://www.vat19.com/dvds/banana-bunker-protects-bananas.cfm?promo1

This year, the year I turned 30, has had a lot of firsts in it for me. Almost all of them have pointed at the fact that I have become a grown up. Not that I haven’t been a responsible, wage earning, bill paying member of society for a while now, but this year has been different.  Here are a list of firsts that have made me realize I am more of a grown up…

1. I was the adult that stayed overnight at the hospital with my grandma.

2. I was in 2 accidents, had to spend a lot of time at the chiropractor, and bought a new car, a station wagon…in preparation for #4.

3. I was the wage earner for my family (Philip and I).

4. We thought seriously about having babies, and then postponed it for a while. Then I watched as several close friends announced pregnancies and cheered for them.

5. We bought a house!

6. I had difficulty with some things at my job, but took it in stride instead of letting it wear me down.

7. I have hosted 3 dinner parties and had several people over for dinner at our new house. (All in the month since we moved in on August 7th!)

8. I am actually using the placemats and pampered chef items from the wedding that I have been saving for when our life starts.

Overall, it has been a year of great change. Sadness and triumph, and I can’t imagine what is still to come. Hopefully, you will find out too because I will remember to sit down and tell you.

I have thought that Hugh Jackman was super fabulous and talented for a long time. I am glad to see that the rest of the world is finally becoming aware!

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/peoples-sexiest-man-alive-hugh-jackman/15572?nc

At the encourgement of my dear friend I decided that it was time to write something here. There has been a lot of stuff going on, but at the same time nothing major. It seems like busyness is the only way that I know how to function. School is going great, and one nine weeks are already down. Weight watchers has not been going as well for me lately, but I have recommitted to writing it all down. That really makes the difference. I am going to a wedding today for a friend that I have lost touch with. I am glad that she still wanted me at her wedding, we were close at one time. She is a friend that I had for a season, but hoping that we can reconnect possibly. I hope that all of you are doing well, and I will try to think of something clever to come back here with next time.

It has been an interesting week. I celebrated Labor Day with friends and family, and then discussed funeral plans for a dear aunt. My grandma’s sister died this week, she was 94. She was a wonderful lady who lived a great long life, and although it was very hard to see her go, there was a peace about it. However, I found out on Wednesday, that a former colleague of mine died as well. She was only 59, and still teaching, and still living her life. I spent yesterday at my aunt’s funeral and left knowing that she was with God and felt ok about that. I started thinking about my colleague and was left to wonder. I never had a conversation about God with her. I don’t know about her relationship with the Lord or if there even was one there. I will go to her memorial service tomorrow with a small since of regret that I didn’t at least ask some time about her walk with God. I know that I get caught up in my own stuff at work and don’t always use the opportunities that God gives me to minister to people. I am going to try to do a better job of that in the future. I don’t want to have the feeling of missed opportunity again.

On a happier note, I am going to a friend’s baby shower tomorrow afternoon. She is going to have a little girl and I can’t wait to meet the sweet thing. It is a fitting end to a week of death, to be anticipating a new life.

I believe that the last time that I blogged about something it had to do with weight. I have continued to be with Weight Watchers since July, and have been mostly faithful to it. (Unlike my blog that has been untouched since then.) I recently surpassed the 20 lb mark and was very excited about my accomplishment. So excited that I bought a few new clothes and also ate a lot of food this week. I am still trying to control the very hungry person inside of me, which is really in my head. I know that I want to keep moving forward and finally work towards health. However, there is still a part of me that just wants to sit back and eat like I have for 29 years. I am not giving up though, I really want to change and I believe that this is the time that I am going to do it. I just need to keep reminding myself.